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The summer sun was slowly setting over the orchard. A tired farm pony sat atop a small hill, leaning back against the lone non-apple tree. Her hat was tilted low, covering her face against the fading sunlight. She let out a deep sigh and, without looking up, said "come on out, Diamond Tiara; I know yer hiding over there. You know I don't like ponies skulking around."

Diamond Tiara: "Oh, hi Apple Bloom. Funny running into you here."

AB: "I live here. You literally walked across town, past the big sign that said 'Sweet Apple Acres', and through most of the farm to get here."

DT: "Yes, of course. That's what I meant."

AB: "Never mind. What brings you all the way out here?"

DT: "Oh, I've just come to check on Dazzle."

Of all the excuses, Apple Bloom wasn't prepared for that one. She removed the hat from over her face and placed it beside her on the grass.

AB: "You came to check on your cat? At my farm? Seriously?"

DT: "Well, it is Tuesday. Where else would he be?"

Bloom's brain sounded the alert: *Don't ask! Please, don't ask! We don't want to know!* Unfortunately, as they are want to do, her mouth went on ahead doing what it wanted without asking her brain.

AB: "So, because it's Tuesday, you think your cat would be at Sweet Apple Acres? What would he be doing here, exactly?"

DT: "He always plays poker with the other pets on Tuesday evening up in your old clubhouse."

AB: "The pets play poker?"

DT: "Okay, I don't actually know what they play. I just know that when he comes home afterwards he looks like how my mother used to describe her father after a poker night. Some nights Dazzle comes home wearing three or four collars - occasionally wearing a very large collar as a belt - and dragging a bag of bones, fish, and other assorted garbage. Other nights he comes home without a collar and even missing clumps of fur."

AB: "Ah, yes, the infamous Rotten Deal - possibly the worst card player in Equestria. He lost quite a lot of money before your great-grandma Rotten Peach cut off him off and gave his future inheritance to his daughter, Spoiled Rotten."

DT: "Yes, that's the one."

AB: "I still can't believe your mom got the school board to add a required class about your family history to the curriculum."

DT: "Yes, well, that's mother for you. The only reason why she wanted to be the chair of the school board was to make sure every student has the benefit of learning about her legacy. She doesn't even like children."

AB: "Yeah, well, I reckon I know as much about your family as I do about my own now."

DT: "The next time your Granny Smith tells an embarrassing story about you, just be glad that there isn't a textbook out there that only describes you as 'a necessary burden required to carry on the family name'."

Diamond Tiara was frowning and staring off into the distance, so Apple Bloom tried to steer the conversation in a safer direction.

AB: "I still can't believe Miss Sweet Peach changed her name to Rotten Peach when she married Rotten Scoundrel. Granny Smith told us that the Peach family was not happy because her married name was bad advertising for the quality of the peaches they grew. I get why your mom changed her name from Spoiled Rotten to Spoiled Rich, though. Definitely an improvement there."

DT: "Actually, it's legally Spoiled Rotten-Rich. Mother wants the world to remember that she is scion of two wealthy and powerful houses."

Diamond closed her eyes and sighed. Bloom's attempt to lighten the mood with a little joke about Diamond's mother appeared to have made things worse. In a second attempt, she just patted the ground and said "why don't you sit a spell and we can wait for Dazzle and the other pets here."

Diamond accepted the offer, sitting down gently next to Bloom, close, but not too close. They both stared at the sun slowly slipping ever closer to the treetops. After a few minutes of silence, Bloom offered a new topic of conversation.

AB: "I heard about what you did last week. How you saved the filly in the river?"

Diamond slumped slightly forward, staring at the grass and twisting a few blades between her fingers.

DT: "What, exactly, did you hear? And from who?"

AB: "I heard that you saved a filly who had fallen in the river from drowning. Featherweight came by and told me."

DT: "Well, at least he was there. And he would definitely tell you the truth about what happened. What did he tell you?"

AB: "He said that you were walking down the path near the the river when you heard a filly screaming for help. You were carrying a dress and you ran down to the bank and used the dress like a rope for the kid to grab on to and pull her up out of the water."

DT: "Yes, that is accurate."

AB: "You don't sound very happy about it."

DT: "I am glad that she is okay. It's just... complicated."

AB: "Say, why were you walking around carrying a dress, anyway?"

DT: "It was my great-grandmother's wedding dress. I was walking back from the train station. Mother had sent it to a conservator in Canterlot to be mended and prepared for display. She is preparing a new exhibit at her museum that will be devoted to the great women of the Rotten and Rich families."

AB: "The Spoiled Rich Pre-Memorial Museum of Art and High Culture? I always hated having to take a field trip to that place every year. No offense, but I don't see the appeal of a museum devoted entirely to your mom. Besides, I don't know where she would possibly find room for a new exhibit between all of those paintings and statues of herself."

DT: "She is going to add a new wing. She thought as highly of her grandmother as she thought poorly of her father, so this was important to her. Even more important to her than adding more statues of herself."

AB: "So, you ruined your great-grandma Rotten Peach's wedding dress? Ouch. I guess that explains the rest of the story."

DT: "How much more did he tell you?"

AB: "Featherweight said that you were standing near the riverbank talking to a guard while another guard had wrapped the filly in a blanket and was talking to her mother when he arrived to scoop the story. A few minutes later your mother showed up, grabbed the wet dress out of your hands and..."

Another awkward silence; Bloom appeared to be weighing some heavy words.

AB: "... and pushed you into the river? Then she talked to the guards and they just walked away? Didn't even try to help you or anything?"

She stopped to look at Diamond, hoping for some body language to counter the silence and betray her feelings. But the pink mare just sat there, silently, clearly avoiding any eye contact.

AB: "Look, it ain't my place to say they should have arrested your mom, but why didn't they do something? Anything?"

DT: "Because mother told them not to do or say a thing and to walk away."

AB: "But why? That doesn't make a lick of sense."

DT: "For the same reason you didn't see the story in the paper."

AB: "Well, Featherweight said that his boss at the newspaper told him that it wasn't real news and threw away his notebook and told him to forget the whole thing."

DT: "Mother has made it clear to Shocking Headline that he is not to publish a story about her or her family unless she provides one for him to publish."

AB: "So yer saying that the newspaper staff is scared of your mom?"

DT: "Quite."

AB: "And the guards? They left you in that river and didn't try to help because they are scared of her too?"

DT: "Indeed."

AB: "That's plain ridiculous. They're guards! They're tough and brave and strong. Why would they be afraid of a single unarmed mare."

DT: "That's not quite true. She had the most dangerous weapon."

AB: "A sword?"

DT: "Information."

AB: "Information."

DT: "Yes. Everypony has secrets - shopkeepers, guards, the school board, even the mayor - and she knows all of them."

AB: "So she's blackmailing the guards? All of them?"

DT: "Everyone, yes."

AB: "That is so wrong. Please tell me that you know how wrong that is?"

Diamond Tiara's grimace suggested that the accusation hit close to home for her.

DT: "Of course I know it is wrong - now! You know how I used to be. I was growing up to be just like her."

AB: "Can't you see how dangerous that is? This isn't like you being a schoolyard bully. If we can't count on the guards to save ponies then someone is going to get hurt, or worse."

DT: "Well, she's been doing it for years, ever since she moved to Ponyville, and no one has gotten hurt yet..."

AB: "And you knew about it? All this time you knew and you never told anyone? You never tried to stop her?"

DT: "It's not that simple! You couldn't possibly understand what it is like living with mother!"

The words had barely escaped Diamond's lips when the realization of what she had just said hit her. Her right hand quickly covered her mouth and her eyes grew wide in shock and fear. After a second of consideration, her eyes shut tight and her head flinched away from the other pony, not wanting to see what was coming.

She hoped it would just be a slap. She had received plenty of those in her life and knew she could take one more, even from a pony as large and muscular as Apple Bloom. A punch would be significantly worse. A good punch from Bloom could easily put her in the hospital. She pictured the epic brawl between Apple Bloom and Babs Seed a few years ago and shuddered. She would easily crumple faster than one of those broken fence-posts.

When Apple Bloom's hand finally made contact it was... different than expected. Bloom's large fingers gently curled around Diamond's own and pried them away from her mouth.

AB: "I'm ain't gonna hit you, Diamond. For years you always try to say the meanest things any time you saw me, but that's not you anymore. You didn't mean that I wouldn't understand because I never knew my own mom. You meant that nopony could understand what life has been like living with Spoiled Rich."

Diamond carefully opened one eye to verify that it wasn't just a trick to get her guard down. She saw that Bloom was now kneeling in front of her, looking concerned rather than angry. After a few seconds she blinked both eyes and tilted her head toward her companion.

DT: "Thanks. I - I have tried to not be that pony anymore."

AB: "It sure took a while..."

DT: "Yeah."

AB: "... like, a really, really long time..."

DT: "Okay."

AB: "... I almost thought Luna herself would make me the Element of Patience for waiting so long..."

DT: "Yes, I get it! I was horrible."

Apple Bloom stood slowly and turned to watch the fading sunset before she continued.

AB: "This is still serious. We have to tell Princess Twilight about the guards. Something has to be done."

DT: "No, please, don't tell the Princess!"

AB: "You can't expect me to let Ponyville - maybe Equestria - be in danger just because she's your mom."

DT: "... Three months."

AB: "What?"

DT: "Just... let me have three more months. If the problem isn't solved by then, then I won't try to stop you from telling the Princess."

AB: "Are you really planning to do something? Do you really think you can make her change in just three months?"

DT: "Yes. Well, no, not me. But an attempt is being made."

AB: "So, who is going to stop her."

DT: "Lord Silver made a gentleman's agreement with father about three months ago. He gave father until his next trip to Canterlot to get mother the help she needs. Otherwise, he will tell the Royal Sisters about everything that has been happening. They would almost certainly throw her in the dungeon or worse - use one of those 'reforming spells' on her - so father is really trying to help. He knows that mother can be difficult, but he would never want her to suffer like that. Neither would I, despite everything. She is still my mother."

AB: "And what happens before all that? We just let ponies be victims to her tricks and schemes?"

DT: "No. The Lady Silver has been quietly cleaning up mother's messes during the agreement."

AB: "And you trust them on all that stuff?"

DT: "Of course I trust them. The Silvers aren't like my family. They care about their town and all the ponies who live there. Whereas we... we mostly just care about ourselves."

AB: "That's way more mature than I expected. I always thought that you hated them ever since..."

DT: "Since the incident?"

AB: "The incident? You know, since I've known you, you have used 'the incident' to mean lots of different things. Like every time you did something bad and got caught. What are you, a super-villain or something? Is that what you call it when you break Silver Spoon's glasses and she knocks you out cold, flat on your back in the mud? Cuz I always called it the Tiara Take-down."

DT: "Yes, since that happened. And yes, I was angry at their whole family for a long time. But I've grown up a little since then (thanks to you). It was my fault. I don't have any reason to hate them. But they still have every reason to hate me."

AB: "So you did learn a lesson from that! I hope you also learned not to pick a fight with somepony who grew up learning a dozen types of self-defense from her bodyguard? You're lucky she didn't kill you."

DT: "That lesson I have learned..."

About that point, Bloom walked back to the tree and plopped down heavily next to Diamond, sitting close enough that their shoulders touched. Diamond flinched, either from surprise or from the impact next to her.

AB: "I tell you what. Tomorrow you and I will walk over to visit the Silvers and we'll see if Uncle Sandy confirms your story. If he does, then I'll give you three months."

Diamond turned pale at the suggestion of showing her face at Silver Manor.

DT: "That's not fair! You know I can't show my face there! They wouldn't even open the door if they saw me."

AB: "You know, for someone who has such a high opinion of them, you have a pretty low opinion of their opinion of you."

DT: "Yes? No? What?"

AB: "Okay, well, it's my risk to take. If we show up and they won't open the door, then I will give you your three months, no more questions asked."

DT: "But... they probably won't even be there. They travel a lot."

AB: "Tell you what... we'll give them a call back at the house and make sure they're home."

DT: "Call? What do you mean? Did the Apple family finally catch up with the rest of us and get a phone?"

AB: "You really never did pay attention in school if it wasn't directly about you, did you? It was in your mom's textbook, in the chapter about the Rich family? Your grand-dad Stinking Rich installed the first phone lines in Ponyville. They connected his house, his store, and Granny Smith's kitchen here at the farm. That was back when they used wires, long before the unicorns brought the magic crystal phones that we use now."

DT: "So, you've had a phone all this time? Then why do you always send dogs to carry messages?"

AB: "Applejack thinks it's good for our 'brand'. The other ponies expect something a little old-fashioned, so it helps our sales. Although it doesn't make us look too smart to... certain ponies... who like to make fun of that."

DT: "Eh-heh. Yeah, some ponies are like that... heh."

AB: "Yeah. Still, the dogs really like running around delivering messages, and the ponies in town really like getting them. I know you don't often visit homes of other ponies, but if you did then you might notice that they keep bowls of dog treats next to the front door, even if they don't have dogs."

DT: "That's strange. We've never had a dog visit our house."

AB: "Well, there are a few places they don't go. They don't go to the hospital, because of all the sick ponies. They don't go to Twist's house, because she's allergic to every... to dogs. And they don't go to your house because Spoiled Rich is not known to be a fan of dogs."

DT: "That makes sense, I guess. Mother likes animals only slightly more than she likes children."

The two sat silent, just watching the last of the sun set behind the orchard. Diamond occasionally shifted and wiggled, as though her bum was asleep, or she was sitting on a rock.

DT: "Bloom... do you think you could, um....."

AB: "Yeah, okay. You earned it this time."

Bloom leaned over and gave a quick peck on the pink pony's cheek. Diamond slowly touched her cheek and smiled.

DT: "Aww, that was sweet. But I was kind of hoping that you would..."

AB: "Fine, sure. You're milking this a bit, but okay..."

Bloom placed her hand on Diamond's cheek and gave her a quick, firm peck on the lips. The smaller pony leaned back against the tree with a doofy grin across her face. She sat there blushing for a minute or two before responding.

DT: "Uh, wow, thanks Bloomie! But, would you mind, maybe...."

AB: "Luna help me. Okay, but just this once. Don't expect me to do this every time you save somepony's life..."

After a few seconds of consideration, Apple Bloom continued: "... okay, maybe every time you save somepony's life. I wouldn't want to stop you from doing that... But! But only if you didn't cause the danger..."

The larger pony placed one hand on each pink cheek, parted her lips, and gave Diamond Tiara a deep, open-mouthed kiss. She leaned back against the tree. The smaller pony just hugged herself and vibrated softly, with an impossible grin worthy of the Pink Party Pony herself.

The two ponies sat there under the tree for several minutes. Not a sound but the birds. Until, finally, Diamond broke the silence.

DT: "Apple Bloom?"

AB: "Yeah?"

DT: "Why... what was that kiss for?"

AB: "Well, I reckon that saving that filly from drowning was the right thing for you to do. And, if you really wanted a kiss for a reward, then that was the right thing for me to do. It sounded like you were having a little trouble asking, but after all this time I knew what you were trying to say."

DT: "Oh..."

AB: "What's wrong? Was it not what you imagined?"

DT: "No! No, it was... mmmmmm... you didn't have to, but I'm glad that you did. Thank you. But..."

AB: "But?"

DT: "Not to spoil the mood, but... what I was trying to ask was if you would please get off my tail? You've been sitting on it since you sat down, and the pulling really kind of hurts."

AB: "So you weren't trying to... "

Bloom quickly applied her palm to her face and scooched a bit to free the smaller pony's tail from beneath her muscular backside.

They sat for a while in a silence that was somehow even more awkward than their conversation had been. Off in the distance, a bell pealed.

AB: "That's the dinner bell. Come on, let's head back to the house. We can swing by the old clubhouse on the way and look for your cat."

At this point the two ponies stood up, stretched out stiff joints, dusted off the dirt, and began the long walk back to the farmhouse. They walked for several minutes in silence, enjoying the warm night air and watching the fireflies flicker around.

DT: "So, going back to what I was saying earlier, I have a big box of bones and collars and such for you that we cleared out of Dazzle's closet in my room. It's pretty heavy, so you'll have to come by and get it."

AB: "Are you sure this isn't just another trick to get me to visit your bedroom again?"

DT: "That only happened once!"

AB: "Uh-huh..."

DT: "... a week..."

AB: "Keep going."

DT: "... for ten years..."

AB: "There you go!"
Here's a thing I wrote a while back that I never actually posted. Oops! Anyway, have another crack-ship DiamondBloom fic wherein two weird not-quite-friends are being awkward at each other and ride a rodeo of emotions over the course of an unusual conversation.

Ponies belong to Hasbro. Buy all the merch and be sure to get your tickets for HasCon.

Love and tolerance belong to Lauren Faust :iconfyre-flye:. She's amazing.

The name and references to a weird cat named Dazzle are belong to the always-talented :iconmagerblutooth:. If you haven't been following his comics, then you should stop right here and go read them.

The general inspiration to write stuff and the references to the Silver family are belong to the lovely and frog-tastic :iconmustlovefrogs:. If you haven't visited her pond, then you should really just clear your schedule and dive right in. There is so much great art there. :)


Written in the same unedited megascribble style of my other stories (imagine a poorly-written short story mashed with a poorly-written script).

Before you ask about the hands, in my mind these characters are all anthro-ponies. Manes, tails, snuzzles, emotive ears, etc., with hooves down below and human-like hands (with possibly fewer fingers) up top. (Kind of like this classy pair:…)

Warning: contains a few references to child abuse. Not nearly as much as in the next part (if I ever get around to finish writing it down), but there are a few there. My depiction of Spoiled Rich is based on and extrapolated from her depiction in S5E18: "Crusaders of the Lost Mark".

Regarding the character of Spoiled Rich: yes, I know they eventually gave her a little back-story and a pre-marital name (although her name and her cutie mark didn't really go together). That episode came about after this story started and I decided that I liked mine better. You are welcome to disagree.
MagerBlutooth Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2017
This story reminds me of my early fic writing days when I wrote in script format. The excessive details of narration and description bored me too much to want to incorporate back then. And that was my freshman year of college!

The mental image of Dazzle walking around with multiple collars is creepier than I might have figured. It's like the notion of him walking around with multiple layers of skin. Heaven only knows how he manages to win. He's the unluckiest animal this side of Appleoosa.

Thanks for the mention. You should be seeing more of my work soon enough. :)
MustLoveFrogs Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2017  Professional General Artist
This story is a winner, because it features Diamondbloom, surprise unselfish DT, Dazzle doing stuff, and Apple Bloom's muscular butt.  It probably isn't meant to be a Junior Gala story, but it has JG elements (like Uncle Sandy), so I claim it as a JG story.  No need to thank Frog!

It's funny you mention Twist having a dog allergy, as Twist's pet is a reptile!  Hopefully she's not sensitive to cats, as Babsie is a cat person and she ain't givin' up her baby...
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February 13, 2017


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